


my hands were clenched tightly (I'm so glad I stopped)

by x_oikawa_kinnie_x



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Angst with a Happy Ending, Fluff and Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Abuse, M/M, Past Abuse
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-02
Updated: 2020-11-02
Packaged: 2021-03-09 00:20:43
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,092
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27341869
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/x_oikawa_kinnie_x/pseuds/x_oikawa_kinnie_x
Summary: Koutarou wants to go off and train again, but he had barely been home for three months. Kenma doesn't want to be away from his husband for a while.
Relationships: Bokuto Koutarou/Kozume Kenma
Kudos: 33





	my hands were clenched tightly (I'm so glad I stopped)

“Again Koutarou?” Kenma exclaims. His voice was watery, as were his eyes, but he could care less at this point. “How long will it be this time? 6 months? A year? More?”

“I can’t stay here all the time and just live off of your money! This is something I love doing!” The volleyball player exclaims. It’d only been 3 months since the Olympics, and Koutarou wanted to go off and train for the next one already.

“What so you don’t love me anymore?” Kenma replies. He knew he was being petty and mean, but he’d already missed his husband so much.

“I didn’t fucking say that Ken,” Koutarou answers, his voice hardening with his rising anger. “You’re putting words into my goddamn mouth and I don’t appreciate it.”

“You can play here in Tokyo! You don’t have to go train already! There’s still four years left, save some of that time with me!” Kenma pleads. “I’ve barely seen you at all these past two years! Since you’ve been spending all of your time with  _ Akaashi _ -”

“Don’t bring Keiji into this,” Koutarou snaps.

“Oh, Keiji now, is it? I swear you’re just using this as an excuse to get away from me-”

“Kenma-”

“I bet you can’t stand to be around me, can you?”

“Kenma-”

“Fine then! If that’s what you fucking want! Leave me for ‘volleyball’ and go fuck  _ Keiji _ -”

“God fucking dammit Kenma won’t you fucking listen to me?”

Koutarou looks down at the younger, fuming, face clenched tight in anger. However, the crease in between his eyebrows change as he comprehends what’s going on in front of him.

He was leaning over Kenma, chest hovering maybe four inches from the younger's face- no not his face. His hands. Kenma had his arms pulled up in front of his face as if preparing to block a hit. His knees were bent as though he were prepared to run and Koutarou’s arms-

Koutarou’s arms were raised up around them, and his fists were clenched tightly.

Koutarou almost hit Kenma.

“Shit,” He sighs out. He takes a few steps back, stumbling and tripping over his own feet. “No, no!”

“Kou-”

“No! Fuck! Why did I-”

He doesn’t need to see to know Kenma was curling in on himself, and had probably taken his hair down. The elder felt like shit, unbelieving that he’d raised his arms up like that. He lets out a yell and picks up the closest thing to him, chucking it at the wall. The remote cracks loudly and flops to the floor with a  _ thunk _ .

“Koutarou.”

“What?”

“Look at me, come here,” Kenma’s voice was shaky, but Koutarou didn’t object, shoving his hands into his pockets. Kenma reaches his own hands up, shaky but gentle, and cups Koutarou’s jaw. “You didn’t hit me. You didn’t even mean to raise your hands like that.”

“But-”

“No, no but’s, you didn’t do it on purpose, and you didn’t hurt me,” Kenma sighs. “I was being mean, and not letting you explain yourself.”

“That doesn’t make what I did okay, I know what he did to you, how he-”

“Let’s not even talk about that, okay?” Kenma forced Koutarou to look down at him. The spiker was right, long black and blond hair framed the younger's face and shoulders. “If you go how long will it last?”

“The training will last for three months.”

“When will it start?”

“A month from now.”

“Will you be staying there overnight?”

“Yes.”

Kenma sighs, and slowly drops his hands down to Koutarou’s shoulders, wrapping his arms around the elders neck. “Hug me, please.” Koutarou complies, and gently places his large hands over Kenma’s waist. “How badly do you want to go?”

“How badly do you want me to stay?”

“Kou… I don’t want to hold you back but, I don’t want to be separated from you for too long either.”

“A month isn’t that long,” Koutarou argues. “But I’m not sure I’ll sleep well without you.”

“I know I won’t,” Kenma admits. “Can’t you wait a little longer? You could coach a volleyball team nearby if need be, I think Shinzen is looking for another coach.”

“Hm,” Koutarou hums, resting his cheek atop Kenma’s head. He only then realizes that Kenma is shaking. “Darling?”

“Yes?”

“Are you okay?”

Kenma pulls away and looks up at Koutarou, showing his tear-streaked face. “I-I’m sorry, but you really did scare me, but I don’t want you to leave me alone again.”

Koutarou’s own eyes start to water, and he gasps in a breath at the confession. “Darling, I should be apologizing.” He reaches a hand up to cup Kenma’s face, and the younger flinches away at first before allowing it. “I know, I know, I’m sorry sweetheart,” Koutarou whispers. “How about we discuss this tomorrow and just go to bed?”

“Yeah,” Kenma nods, sniffling a little. “Yeah, please.”

Koutarou pulled the younger in and kissed the top of his head. They walk off to the bedroom, and simply strip down to their boxers and climb in. Koutarou makes sure to cradle his husband gently, and avoid any of the trigger spots. Kenma places a gentle kiss on his husband's sternum, and sighs “I always miss you when you go away Koutarou.”

“I miss you when I leave, I just hate having to live off of your money, and I hate not working towards something,” Koutarou admits.

“You could rejoin the Jackals, I’m sure they’d accept you back in,” Kenma replies.

“I don’t know, I think that part of me doesn’t even want to play volleyball anymore,” Koutarou confesses. “I feel like I’ve spent so much of my life doing it, and doing it for myself, that it’s not the same.”

“You’ve lost your moment.”

“I think so,” Koutarou sighs. “Maybe I just need to find a new one.”

“Maybe you could focus on something else? Didn’t you mention one time something to do with literature, or psychology or something like that?”

Koutarou smiles. “I didn’t even think about that- wait, I haven't talked about that since high school!”

“It was brief, but it was one of the first times you talked to me about something other than volleyball, and in the first moment I realized I like you,” Kenma nuzzled his face into Koutarou’s chest, and the elder had to move his left hand slightly.

“Maybe I could go to school for psychology, but I don’t think that’s  _ really  _ what I want to do.”

“We’ll figure it out.”

“I love you, Kenma.”

“I love you too, pumpkin.”

**Author's Note:**

> this is, uhm. absolute garbage. I'm shit at fluff and i rushed the ending bc it was getting long. if you got this far I'm very happy.


End file.
